A missed connection is still some kind of connection, right? Yes, if it's an actual missed connection like this one:
Vivacious Mom at Flight VA - m4w - 42 (Springfield)
age : 42 body : hwp height : 6'3" (190cm) status : married
You - mom with 2 kids. Me - dad with 2 kids. I really enjoyed the 30+ minutes we spent talking about our kids and each other. You were fun, vivacious and very sexy!
If you see this (and I doubt you will), please send me an Email. In the Subject line, put the name of the game you were telling me about.
Maybe we can set up a play date in the near future? ;-)
There, ^above^, is an actual event involved and a possible mutual interest, though hopefully each person is a single parent.
Last month, in an incredibly shameful and silly action, I posted on Craig's List out of some odd need to absolve myself and find some imaginary closure, never truly intending or wanting to be possibly recognized by the person I meant it for, telling myself (honestly, I think) I didn't want "my person" to know, but somehow (I'm not sure how to say this) hoping that if she did know she would forgive me for liking her. My posting used no names, just the generals of it all and a truthfulness I longed to use in offline life.
But need for anonymity and non-discovery doesn't explain why I was extremely sad and disappointed after hearing from someone who thought she could be the person, but wasn't. There were so many similarities and yet there couldn't have been any because...well, it was me and she was...well, how she is (out of the realm of possibility) and never shall the two of us ever really be friends, beyond how already formally know each other.
How could I be so stupid? Love and blind hope aren't good enough excuses. I'm not a teenager and I shouldn't even be thinking or feeling like one. I was ashamed I had feelings for someone I shouldn't (I still am) and now I'm ashamed that I believed it could be her. But I also learned from that experience too...realized how desperate I had become (how much I need to sucker-punch myself) if I'd gotten to the point I posted on Craig's List and thought, even at warp speed that flickered out immediately, it could be mutual.
That realization (however pathetically it arrived) really woke me up, snapped me out of a misery so deep I was almost forgetting the people in my life who possibly do care about me, the friends and co-workers I do have actual relationships with. I may always like this person, but it's time for me grow up and to push those feelings _way_ back further into my heart. All I want need is forgiveness, which I can't get from her, only me. And, so, for now at least, I forgive myself...or at least my heart.
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