The current book I'm reading is driving me mad (quite literally.) I've had to put it down a few times and take deep breaths.

I know there are two sides to almost every story, but I have trouble seeing that when it comes to infidelity. And when that infidelity is related to having "suppressed your lesbian side" by getting married to a man, I am surprised that I have such little sympathy, given those actions are often driven by societal pressure and both internal and external homophobia.

I totally get the suppression part, I do. I've spent most of my adult life bottling up certain parts of me. But I've remained single instead. I didn't up and marry a man because I was so "scared" (as the main character in this book is) of who I really am. When a person does something like that they not only hurt themselves, they hurt other people (especially their spouse) as well.

Another part of the book that is upsetting is something that also happens in real life. One of the straight women (also married) in the story is intrigued by a lesbian she meets and giggles a lot and thinks how "neat" it would be to see what it's like with another woman. This infuriates me even more because it's all a matter of "play" to the woman. She doesn't want love, she wants an experiment and uses her fantasies to fuel her love life with her husband.

This kind of attitude (much as the kind that goes with a straight woman wanting to have her cake and eat it too) is incredibly painful to a lesbian who is single and honest as possible and trying to find real love. You can't go into traditional marriage because you want to deny who you are and then one day finally be true to yourself and yet still want to stay married to a man while you "date" your girlfriend.

Arghhh! I just want to scream so much right now, even as I desperately want to understand (maybe even empathize) since the far far right instill these beliefs (the kind "ex-gay therapy" supports) that to can lead to marriages ending and thereby possibly threatening a very sacred institution...the very thing homophobic organizations like N.O.M. say gay people do.

the best finds in cozy places...

 

It used to be I couldn't read when I was sad. Now, it seems, even when (or especially when) I'm not myself, it's most when I need to read. 

I have grown quite fond of ebooks, but it's still print that comforts me most...and old book shops that make me feel just the slightest bit close to Heaven.

This quote really applies to getting away from yourself by reading:

 “Books don't offer real escape, but they can stop a mind scratching itself raw.”

― David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas

Mostly odds...

It's been a while since I've read a Kate Sweetney novel (or, in this case, novella) so I'd almost (almost!) forgotten just how adorable, sweet and goofy her stories can be. This is the second smile-inducing read I've had the pleasure to experience this week.

I'm so glad Ms. Sweeney writes frequently (plus, more importantly, very well) so there's always more to look forward to with much eagerness. The Hypotenuse of Love (short as it is) is right up there with her wonderful Winds of Heaven.

Unless, you've been in a place where what you are is still an anathema to more than half the world you just can't imagine the solace you can find in words that help you feel less like a freak and more like a human whose only major crime is wanting to love (and be loved back) just as much as anyone else in the world.

I've gotten past more than I thought I would in 2014, so I hope 2015 is the year I finally stop seeing being gay as a big deal and maybe even find someone special. I'm open to that happening, but since experience has shown me it probably won't happen, I'm content to get my romance from reading.

Some movies (even silly, but thoroughly lovable ones) are of such great comfort to the soul it's hard to find the right words to describe their impact. I am so glad I watched Bringing Up Baby to get out of my funk. It doesn't hurt that I baked brownies too and fixed myself a glass of coconut milk. I've seen the movie dozens of times and yet I never get tired of all its wonderful zaniness.

I laughed like I always do, but this time I cried at the ending, which I never noticed before is so incredibly romantic and sweet. Is there anyone more adorable than Cary Grant when he's flustered? :)

And the chemistry Grant and Hepburn share starts almost from the very beginning, but it's only toward the end where they finally seem to be on equal footing, even if they both almost end up in a gigantic pile of brontosaurus bones.

My second favorite part, that one that gets me every time is when Susan (Katherine Hepburn) and David (Cary Grant) are fighting the wild leopard, not the tame one who is Baby. "I won't leave you David! I love you!" Susan cries when David tries to fight it by himself. It's such a terrific scene because Susan is being selfless and serious for the first time.

But it truly is the ending that makes me cry:

"I've never had a better time," David says after Susan comes to the museum and apologizes for everything that has happened since the moment he met her.

"But...but I was there!" She responds, sounding startled because she is, after all, fully aware that, despite her best intentions, she's pretty much made a mess of all their time together.

"Well, that's why it was so good!"

The very last scene, despite the wacky dinosaur set-up, is also especially memorable because it has its most heartfelt, mutually reciprocated moment:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B16rhVK5Av0

A solid enough read and definitely sweet and touching in many parts without being sugary, Ruth Gogoll's take on The Christmas Carol didn't grab me quite the way her other novels have (Taxi To Paris, for instance.) It isn't so much that it's not a good story as it feels like something's missing and that it's much shorter than its actual length.

The love between the main characters does not have enough time to flourish, no matter how sincere, and I would have loved to see them get to know each other, truly know each other, before everything else happens. Even so, I find an "okay" Ruth Gogoll tale (most of her work is top notch!) is still better than many other titles in the lesfic genre.