There was a time in my 20s I loved food and had absolutely no issues with it. It was after I left home and before I hit my 30s and started noticing how easy it was to gain weight if I didn't watch my intake carefully.
Food has never been so trying as lately, when my anxiety has been so high I can hardly keep anything down unless I eat very small portions. But ever since I've been experiencing anxiety I just cannot eat that much. My stomach and my heart just are not into it.
I have been researching ways to get past this because I know part of me still likes food. I love, when I have time, to read cooking magazines, but lately it's in a more clinical way, less passionate.
There is a lot online about anxiety and appetite...
Anxiety and Appetite Problems
"Stress and appetite have an unusual connection. Each person responds to anxiety differently, but many people find that their anxieties cause them to develop appetite problems that affect not only the way they eat, but also the way they enjoy food.
Appetite problems from anxiety may not seem like a serious symptom, but often the way people change their diets as a response to anxiety ends up having a significantly negative effect on their long term anxiety outlook. If you have anxiety related appetite issues, you need to solve them." more here>>>
http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/symptoms/appetite-problems
Other helpful articles:
http://www.mindpub.com/art456.htm
http://www.patient.co.uk/forums/discuss/zero-appetite-and-chronic-anxiety-145014
Sometimes, I think, there are two kinds of sadness, the kind that numbs you to the point of nothingness and the kind that digs so painfully deep you could only wish you felt nothing. I can never listen to music when I'm the first kind of sad. Nothing helps that.
The second of sad, though, the sadder the music I find, the better. Usually, Bread helps. The sooner I start crying listening to "If," the less emotionally strong I know I am. So I keep listening until I almost feel cleansed and come full circle.
I also like to research things when I'm grasping for straws in a sea of unrest. So I look up more about the things I feel I know have a factual base...if only everything we felt was based on fact or we solve all our emotional problems with fact checks.
Anyway, these two articles are rather interesting and talk more sad music and healing broken hearts.
http://www.everydayhealth.com/depression/can-sad-music-heal-your-broken-heart.aspx
http://psychcentral.com/news/2013/05/15/sad-music-can-help-mend-broken-heart/54857.html
I went out with a good friend last night and felt pretty nice for a while, forgetting almost everything, even a fight with my mother. My friend is like a sister, closer to me than my own biological sister and I almost felt like my old self. We went to see the 30th anniversary screening of The Breakfast Club.
I had forgotten had sad and sincere the movie is, how true to life it is and I left feeling kind of down because I am so much more like the teen I was then the adult I should be now. Physically and emotionally I worry I haven't changed much and the scares me very very much. If anything, I am more emotional now than I was then.
I just want to get over this, that is all. I have turned into someone I don't like. I have never ever been a very eloquent person, even at my best, but these past few months I can barely talk at all without rambling or just completely trailing off into nothingness.
I've had crushes before, but nothing like this. And, except for high school, I've never messed up things with the person I liked before.
I think (generally) in life, if you're lucky, you might get a second chance to make a fresh start with someone. But you rarely get a third chance. And so...if you really muck things up, you're left in a very awkward place, even more awkward if you're in a situation where you have to see this person a rather frequent basis.
I'm not a mind reader, but you don't have to be a mind reader to know when someone has lost their patience with you. It doesn't matter how different you are inside from how you are on the out; people usually can't see who you really are, unless they know you incredibly well.
I consider myself very lucky to have my good friend with whom I went to the movies last night. I relax around her like I do no one else except my niece and like I did with my grandmother before she passed away. Tomorrow, my friend and I are going to a pet expo and I'm hoping between her great company and all those animals, it will be a nice day.
This is something nice for a rainy Friday...by poet Kahil Gibran.>>>>
I can feel it sometimes, like a vision from a far away parallel universe. A vision of someone to love who loves me back. It feels so real sometimes, but I know better. It's just something from when I was younger and would go to my happy place, something I've never completely been able to shake off altogether. Or maybe it's a guardian angel, though I don't know that I have one and that's a completely different kind of love anyway. But anyway...if you need some love today, this is for you.
