I'm still trying to figure out why I can't seem to make the pictures I use stay on Blogger, but for now I guess I'll still write because I can't seem not to write.

Music always (or almost always) seem to be the one constant in my life, the one thing that never is not part of my day. I love it even more than I do books. When I was in high school and started to realize that as much as I loved it, I had little to no talent musically I felt so frustrated. Then I realized that not having talent doesn't interfere at all with being able to love and deeply appreciate music. I went through a long period of desperately wanting to be a dj, but of course everybody who loves music goes through a period where they want to be a dj. :)

Junior year of high school I fell in love with the album Joshua Tree by U2.  But it wasn't until I got older that I realized they had done so much more that was just as good. A couple of weeks ago I was playing around on a music streaming website and discovered "Dancing Barefoot" off a limited edition 2 cd set of The Best of 1980-1990. The second disc contained rare B sides and I can't get enough of them (especially: "Dancing Barefoot" and "Everlasting Love.")

Discovering 'rare' editions of albums by favorite musicians can be so neat. The difference between music you can find on Amazon and the music you can find on Amazon UK is amazing. More of the track listing for the second disc:

No.	Title	Originally Released on	Length
1.	"The Three Sunrises"	"The Unforgettable Fire" single	3:52
2.	"Spanish Eyes"	"I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" single	3:14
3.	"Sweetest Thing"	"Where the Streets Have No Name" single	3:03
4.	"Love Comes Tumbling"	"The Unforgettable Fire" single	4:40
5.	"Bass Trap" (Best Of edit)	"The Unforgettable Fire" single	3:31
6.	"Dancing Barefoot" (extended version; Patti Smith, Ivan Kral)	"When Love Comes to Town" single	4:45
7.	"Everlasting Love" (Buzz Cason, Mac Gayden)	"All I Want Is You" single	3:20
8.	"Unchained Melody" (Alex North, Hy Zaret)	"All I Want Is You" single	4:52
9.	"Walk to the Water"	"With or Without You" single	4:49
10.	"Luminous Times (Hold on to Love)"	"With or Without You" single	4:35
11.	"Hallelujah Here She Comes" (Best Of edit)	"Desire" single	4:00
12.	"Silver and Gold"	"Where the Streets Have No Name" single	4:37
13.	"Endless Deep"	"Two Hearts Beat as One" single	2:57
14.	"A Room at the Heartbreak Hotel" (Best Of edit)	"Angel of Harlem" single	4:32
15.	"Trash, Trampoline and the Party Girl"

I'm experiencing weird problems with my blogger account (loss of lots of pictures) plus I'm messing around with a new look...and fixing things up, but I do hope to be back soon...

I purposely keep my blog anonymous because I post on delicate issues from time to time and can be more free knowing no one I personally know can ever possibly read what I write. But between the fact "just a girl" gets very little blog traffic and that I feel kind of cowardly sometimes I wonder...what is the point?

I also wonder about how stubbornly black and white I can be on some things and how people I am so quick (in my mind) to label as homophobic or anti-woman can surprise me with their kindness and otherwise basic human decency.

I get confused...I really do. How can it be that people I've heard say such hateful things about groups of people be seemingly (and sincerely) nice? Is it that they don't know I'm gay or that they are willing to look past it? That they are quick to make judgments about concepts, but are nicer to the individual behind them?

Where once I would get silently angry, steaming inside and longing to say what I really thought, now I just accept. I don't know if giving up on things like boycotting, if no longer speaking up when someone makes a deeply offensive remark, makes me complicit or not. I don't. I do know that constantly being wary and on the defensive makes for one tiring day after another. I don't want to be that person who can never relax, who is internally judging someone because they still eat at Chik-Fil-A or wear real Fur Coats.

I just want to be and let others be, too.  :)

It's been almost a year and I still terribly miss the tv show Fringe. Like many of the films and programs I love, music is essential to it. One of the main characters, Walter, often rarely works in his lab without music on and in the final season of the show, music pretty much saves his life.

But even when music isn't on the forefront of it all, it always seems music slips in anyhow. During the fourth season, there's a scene between Lincoln and Olivia, two very likable characters who bond over shared sorrow while talking in open-all-night-diner.

Their discussion is quite intriguing yet even so this song playing in the background just blows me up...I go online and look up the words and "Fade Into You" by Mazzy Star appears. I end up buying the whole album and loving every single song on it.

"Fade Into You" turns twenty this year and is a very well-known song, but for me it's almost brand new. "Five String Serenade," also off on the same album So That Tonight I Might See is even more stunning! Grey's Anatomy is probably the best-known show for turning people onto 'new' musicians, but in its own way Fringe has just as amazing a relationship with music.

Music is so much about mood...and on those days when anything spirited seems like a slap to the face, music can still soothe. One of the most beautiful film scores ever is Somewhere In Time. It's lovely in and of itself, but always dependable for those days when your spirits are pretty much low key. For over thirty years, this album has gotten me through studying for exams and been a constant companion while reading or dreaming. John Barry was surely one of the most talented composers to ever grace a soundtrack.