50 Shades of Double Standards

A few months ago I finished the first book in the 50 Shades trilogy. I couldn't stomach any more, not so much because of the content (television and movies have shown far worse) but because the writing is just plain bad.

I also found myself getting a little upset that many local libraries are bending over backwards to get more copies ordered, yet you'd be hard-stretched to find any GLBT fiction in their collections.

How is it a novel about a straight couple (not married nor planning to have a child) having all kinds of sex and kinky adventures can be all the rage on morning talk shows and on bestseller lists, but gay and lesbian fiction is still considered a "no no" in most mainstream bookstores and in many libraries? How is it Christian conservatives stay mum on things like this, but have a cow whenever the topic of gay marriage is brought up?

Recently, Kindle opened a whole new world to me of lesbian fiction, some of which is quality lesbian fiction, where there is genuine love and romance long before the women even consider a physical relationship.

When there's no one in your life to talk about certain topics (your straight friends say it's okay you're gay as long as you never talk about it) the right book can almost, no make that actually, save your life.

I like it when I see characters who feel like I do reflected in books (find it very helpful and healing) and though I'd prefer to find libraries carrying gay and lesbian fiction (there's certainly no shortage of violent crime novels, Zane books or other less than scrupulous subject matter at hand in them) I sigh and shrug and decide to buy my own. I'd rather make up the loss in my budget by skimping on food because books talk to me and food doesn't. Books help me feel less lonely and food does not. "Calories," as someone on my Twitter account recently tweeted,"do not heal heartache."

Books, I firmly believe, can! I find comfort in reading books by women who understand the emotions, heartache, romance and longing of being gay in a world that still has trouble accepting them.

I don't read lesbian fiction to be rebellious or to "sin,"  but to survive...because when you're surrounded by people who don't understand what it means to be gay, you can feel very lonely...

I don't write as much as I used to. It's funny how one thing leads to another. I got Invisalign braces back in December, discovered they did wonders for curbing my appetite, realized that (for me) watching tv is inevitably linked to wanting to eat so I stopped watching tv, except when I'm already in bed, ready to fall asleep.

All that open time where I no longer eat so much or watch tv has lead me back to reading passionately, whenever and wherever I can. I'd rather read than write, except when I'm troubled (writing is therapy) or excited (about a new book or song).

Tell The Wolves I'm Home by Carol Rifka Brunt is something to be excited about. On Twitter, lulu 34 writes: "Stop what you're doing and read Tell The Wolves I'm Home by Carol Rifka Brunt. This book DESTROYED me. All my tears."  

People magazine (often a great source for book reviews...I did not know this until recently) had this to say:

HOME  NEWS  PHOTOS  STYLEWATCH  REVIEWS  VIDEO

Tell the Wolves I'm Home
by Carol Rifka Brunt

Remember how it felt to be 14? In this lovely debut novel set in the 1980s, Carol Rifka Brunt takes us under the skin and inside the tumultuous heart of June Elbus. Lonely at school and tormented by her older sister, June habitually vanishes into the woods near her suburban New York home to pretend she's living in the Middle Ages. "I look at everything-rocks, fallen leaves, dead trees-like I have the power to read those things. Like my life depends on understanding exactly what the forest has to say." Like most 14-year-olds, June is full of secret emotions too powerful to reveal-in particular, her "wrong" love for Finn, her uncle and godfather. An artist who has introduced his goddaughter to a world of beauty, Finn is gay, and dying of AIDS. Once he's gone, the grief-shattered June recklessly embarks on a new relationship that's just as obsessive, just as secret, and ends up shaking her family to its core. Distracted parents, tussling adolescents, the awful ghost-world of the AIDS-afflicted before AZT-all of it springs to life in Brunt's touching and ultimately hopeful book.
Reviewed by Helen Rogan

BUY NOW

I just finished this terrific novel called Holding On To Faith by Joy Argento. It's still deeply affecting me, largely because it's somewhat rare that lesbian fiction ever deals with religious reservations about being gay, especially with such sincerity and worry.

God knows I've spent most of my adult life going back and forth between wondering if it is wrong and firmly believing all love between consenting adults is perfectly natural. How wonderful it would be if there were absolutely, positively no stigma associated with being gay.

It would be so wonderful I can't even think about it without my whole heart pounding a mile a minute. The way the world could change for so many gay teens, singles and couples living in a world that still largely ostracizes them from socially acceptable love and marriage.

Joy Argento captures the magic and simple love between friends Faith and Sami so touchingly (their feelings for each are pure and loving long before they realize they have romantic and sexual longings as well) I had to put my ereader down a few times and bask in the beauty of it...I totally can relate to the deep and conflicting struggle between loving someone with all your heart and soul and suffering from thoughts and fears of losing your church, your family and your friends.

I like that it ends on a positive note with true love winning out; I just wish it could happen that way for everyone in real life!:)

Just now I went outside to take my huge Hefty bags to the dumpster. I live in a very quiet, well-kept apartment building where everyone is either over the age of 80 or single and always away on business trips...so to say it's quiet here is an understatement.

As soon as I got outside I was stunned to discover it was a nice, cool evening (it's been so hot all day) and that new neighbors were throwing a party. The smell of the barbeque and the sound of people genuinely laughing and having a good time reminded me that there is life teeming inside and immediately around this building, it just doesn't seem like it sometimes.

The other day I got in the elevator (determined to follow the "eyes forward, don't talk" etiquette I never seem to follow anywhere else) when I noticed a man in the corner. He seemed as surprised as I did.

"Wow," he began. "I honestly didn't think anyone else lived in this building." We both laughed and it was a nice moment.

The quiet around here is nice, especially when you're trying to get some sleep, but it can also be a bit disarming at times, like the end of the world happened and no one bothered to tell those of us left behind.

The new neighbors and their party was kind of reassuring:)

I haven't been blogging lately mostly because I'd rather be reading...so many good books and so little time and all that!:) Plus, I've been afraid I'd be too tempted to blog about what is going on in the world and politics and all the other stuff that can get your panties in a twist. I don't want to be that soapboxy girl anymore so I hope to have the willpower just to blog about my two favorite things in the world: books and music.

Speaking of music, this is a wonderfully relaxing album, kind of what you'd get if Karen Carpenter had sung bossa nova:  http://www.soulandjazzandfunk.com/reviews/1744-stereo-venus-close-to-the-sun-sudden-hunger.html

...A Certain Ambience 2...

A while ago I mentioned my fears in trying Ambien. Well...this week my insomnia proved so bad I decided to embrace a "screw the consequences" attitude (not normally my thing) and brave all the horror stories I've heard about it.

My safety measures to ensure I didn't end up doing something crazy (like calling my old high school crush in the middle of the night having somehow remembered the phone number or driving to Wisconsin non-stop) involved two things: a) cutting the 10 mg dose in half and b) only taking the pill after I was tucked carefully in bed with a glass of water.

From all I had researched, it seemed to me that people who had problems were taking Ambien way before they intended to go to sleep. They miscalculated how quickly the pill would work and thus fell into a kind of trance...or so it seemed.

So I took the Ambien while watching a "Fringe" repeat (oddly enough, during a moment where Walter was praising the effects of LSD.)

Woah!!! The effects (for me) were overwhelmingly immediate and strong....heavy limbs, the conviction that someone else was in the room with me ("We've got to make sure Betty is alright!" someone said) and vivid (vivid!!) horrible dreams. Plus, I woke up with a raging headache...

Still, I've got to say...except for the headaches, I want to try it again...kind of like when a roller coaster scares you, but you immediately want to get back on it again. I don't feel groggy at all today and I slept through the entire night (something that I don't think I have ever ever done in my adult life.)

Next time around, though, I hope for vivid, vivid dreams that are much more pleasant.

Reading the March issue of Q music magazine I'm stopped in my tracks by this amazing photo of Madonna on page 15. It's not so much her physical appearance. I mean Madonna is a striking woman and all that, but I find the looks she often gets on her face far more fascinating.

She really could care less whether you like her or not and she never ever seems uncertain about anything. I wouldn't mind having a little more conviction in everything I do! Life seems so so delicate and on the verge of changing every second.

Voltaire once said: "Doubt is unpleasant, but certainty is absurd," so maybe a little bit of not being sure can be good? :)

Good Reads

Been so busy reading and listening to music and enjoying nice weather I haven't blogged in a while :)  If you're on Good Reads and would like a new book friend, just let me know. Thanks!:)

goodreads.com/zombiegirllovesmusic

 

This is an absolutely stunning collection of stories, especially "Tales of Darkness and The Unknown: Vol. XIV: The White Glove" (or more simply, "The White Glove.") It's not just the impressive, understated style but the underlying emotions and the beauty of what Steven Millhauser has to say.

"The White Glove" is a perfect example of Millhauser's wonderful writing and the story pulled me in right from the start:

"In senior year of high school I became friends with Emily Hohn. It happened quickly: one day she was that quiet girl in English class, the next we were friends. She passed in and out of my attention over the last year or so, and it was if I suddenly turned my head in her direction. I liked her calmness, her unruffled sense of herself, her way of standing as if she could feel the ground under her feet."

When I first read the opening pages of "The White Glove" I felt a little shaken and not just because of Steven Millhauser's awesome talent. 

I was struck by a few eerie similarities between his story and an experience (minus the depth of the friendship in this story) I had in high school and it reminded me of the main reason I love books so much: no matter how isolated and unique you feel the things that have happened to you are, there is always someone else who has experienced the same emotions, if not the same situation...

The Walking Dead

Last night's episode (as with almost every one) was amazing, but little did I know that Lori (whom I normally find very irritating) would be so  magnetic and comforting. The actress who plays her (Sarah Wayne Callies) is as thin as a rail and her personality as sharp as a blade, but last night she was...almost, well, almost kind.

In keeping with the ever present theme of survival in a post-apocalyptic world, "18 Miles Out" attacked Beth's problem with vigor and raw honesty. Having witnessed her mother's zombie "death," long after her actual death offscreen, Beth slips into a catatonic state and doesn't talk to anyone for days. When she's finally ready to speak, all she can talk about is suicide.

"I can't promise that everything will get better but we can make what we have now alright." Lori, desperate to reassure her, to prevent Beth from hurting herself, speaks with a quiet passion she's not often known for and though other characters also rush to try and help Beth (her sister Maggie and the lone gunwoman Andrea who lost her own sister to zombies) ultimately Beth herself takes matters into her own hands when it comes to her fate.

It is a magnificent episode and that line ("I can't promise that everything will get better but we can make what we have now alright.") still haunts me. It's probably one of the most hopeful sentences ever uttered by anyone on The Walking Dead from the last person you'd expect to say it...

Music For Your Liposuction

"The opening track "Lipostudio....and so on" is a quirky little track that lopes along with a loping beat and clarinet, as well as lots of pretty sucking noises from a real life liposuction procedure."--from Almost Cool Music Reviews

The album A Chance To Cut Is A Chance To Cure is definitely one of the weirdest iTunes purchases I've made in ages. But I don't regret it, no matter how bizarre the choice to integrate surgical procedure sounds into musical pieces. The concept sounds off-putting (especially the liposuction one) but it really works and is actually quite haunting.

Here's more info on it:

read here

Oh my gosh! Last night I rediscovered the dreaminess that is The Psychedelic Furs! Sure "Love My Way," "Pretty In Pink" and "The Ghost In You" are all classic P.F. 80s and sound just as good to me today as yesterday, but it is their "Sister Europe" and its druggy goodness that has me all trippy inside.

I have no memory of "Sister Europe" when it originally came out, but I'm making up for lost time but hitting 'repeat' on my iPod a lot this afternoon. What a song!!

Listening to an 80s New Wave station online last evening I got chills hearing "Sister Europe." It sounds so weird and mystical that I can't help but love it...

Here it is:

Sister Europe


And The Foo Fighters have done a very decent job of covering it:

Foo Fighters do it, too!:)

"How Will I Know?"

I feel kind of phony posting about Whitney Houston since I was never a huge fan, though I never disliked her either.

It's pretty much impossible to deny she had an amazing voice and that whenever someone who seems nice and has incredible talent dies young it is so so sad, especially when they struggled so much with problems like addiction and a rocky, rocky marriage.

I have to say that if I did like any of her songs it would be a tie between "How Will I Know?" (something a lot of us ask ourselves in love) and "I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)." I love the way 'who loves me' is emphasized...'cause you could dance with anyone, I suppose, but dancing with somebody who loves you really is kind of special.

Seeing the video on MTV last night (while they were remembering her in tribute) I couldn't help but recall the best of the 80s and how cute and sweet this video is:

watch here



This image of Nelson Mandela and Whitney, which just flashed on CNN a few minutes ago, is very touching:

Last year I was a very bad reader, but this year I'm furiously making up for lost time thanks to iBooks and the Kindle app.

I never thought I would find electronic books so easy to use or even likable since I've always loved the smell of paper (both old and new) and the almost intimate relationship between reader and print book.

But the idea of being able to carry around so many books in my pocket, whipping out my device to read wherever I'm stuck waiting or in unexpected need of a good book...well, that's something. And through ebooks I've discovered surprisingly good writers like Q. Kelly, the author of the very quirky Miss Lucy Parker & Other Short Stories (just 99 cents through iBooks.)

I'd write more, but I'm too busy reading right now:) 

A certain ambience?

It's late and I'm eyeing the Ambien pill on my kitchen table, not sure if I'm brave enough to take it. I've tried so many different ways to find the perfect sleep and have failed to catch on to something that works well. For so many many of us who suffer from insomnia there is probably very little we wouldn't do to get some decent rest.

My friends who take it rave about Ambien, but I've heard the horror stories, about people waking up the next day to find they've eaten the entire contents of their refrigerator, that (in some more bizarre, drastic cases) they've gotten into their cars and driven across town on some errand they later cannot recall. Other stories mention people calling, emailing or texting relatives in the middle of the night, making little sense and having no memory of doing so the next morning.

I've combed dozens of articles and message boards and for every positive experience, there's one that counters it. And several people warn against taking Ambien if you live by yourself, with no one to try and wake you up asking, "What the hell are you doing?"

I don't drink (at all) for the very reason Ambien scares me: what if I wake up somewhere else the next morning with no idea what I've done?

Maybe I'll stick with melatonin and try and make my relationship with it work...however, if I'm back in a few hours going on and on about Smurfs, zebras and wild white ponies, you'll know I took some.

I wish you sweet dreams and good rest!! :)

Do This, Not That...

Kate Moss once said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." I remember being outraged at the time, thinking (probably irrationally, now that I look back) it would be some kind of impetus for thousands of girls across the country to start dieting, even if they didn't need to.

Now, as my fortysomething metabolism slows down and I find eating half of what I used to eat barely helps with maintaining my within-range-of-normal weight, I wonder if she might not be right. Sure, that picture of a burger and fries from BGR makes my mouth salivate and my hungry wolf instincts kick in, but there's a higher power I recently discovered.

Invisalign! Some of my friends and I have joked (half seriously) that the popular braces have done more for cutting back on impulsive snacking than anything else we've tried, making the expensive product (often at over $5,000) a better weight loss product than whatever else we've tried.

I kid you not! By the time you factor in the limited time you're allowed to have them out (2 hours or less for the whole day!) and the trouble involved brushing your teeth thoroughly and flossing and water picking, then putting Invisalign back in, you hardly want to bother with food.

And since you're not supposed to eat anything when the braces are in...well, in the past, when someone offered me something to eat and I said, "No, thanks," they'd keep it up. But now, all I have to say is "I have my braces in" and they don't repeat the offer.

This isn't scientific theory (obviously) and as far as I know no one has ever drastically lost weight on a "Invisalign diet," but it certainly seems to help in not gaining weight, which is more my goal these days anyway....

Nostalgia Rains

There's a good chance if you're a child of the 80s, you will really really like Moment Bends, an album whose first song merges a little bit of Wham with a little bit of Matthew Wilder. Going nostalgic like it's done here is kind of extra nice, whether it's on the opener "Desert Island," the Prince/Paisley Park pop sounds of "Denial Style" or the Culture Club-infused "Sleep Talkin'."

But there's also something for those with more modern tastes, especially on tracks like "Escapee" (sounding eerily like Passion Pit), "That Beep" (highly addictive and very danceable, reminiscent of No Doubt if you merged them with The Bangles) and "B43D" (Lenny Kravitz meets Gnarls Barkley.)

With the exception of "Contact High" (too Owl City-like for me) I truly love every track on Moment Bends and put the whole album onto my iPod, something that doesn't always happen in the piecemeal digital music world we live in right now. If you like albums that make you smile and your feet move a little bit faster, you just have to check this out!:)

I've always thought Wham's (okay, George Michael's) "Careless Whisper" was a beautiful song that perfectly reflected the pain and aftermath of hurting someone you love. But after hearing Seether's take (almost three years old and yet it's new to me) I have to say that _this_ version nails the heartache and the inner rage that never quite go away once guilt has got its hooks in you.

There is no point in doing a cover unless you're going to add your own spin and that's what Seether does here. They take a classic and make it sound just as good (in its own unique way) as Wham's. In some ways, it's better because Seether makes the song so raw and exposed whereas Wham sounds just a tad too polished.

Beauty comes in all forms, Wham's view was pristine (almost kind of too polite), Seether's cuts to the bone and is really quite unforgettable.

The Juan MacLean wants Everybody To Get Close

The most recent free offering from Spin includes one of the best dance songs of 2011. "Everybody Get Close" by The Juan MacLean.

The track starts off all 80s electro retro but soon goes full-speed ahead into the future. It's one of the most mesmerizing things to hit the dance floor in ages and when I checked out the rest of the album it would appear it's all fun and games for your soul to get down.

Lovin' it so much!! At about two minutes in (or maybe it's two minutes out) your eyes practically roll back in your head, it's THAT good! :)

Free Showtime Preview This Weekend! :)

I may be the very last person on earth to have started watching Homeland, but I got to say so far I like it a lot...if you're like me and haven't seen it all, catch the first season episodes through Showtime On Demand's free preview this weekend!:)

Late Night Tales

There are so many reasons I love the intimate sounds of Snow Patrol, but one of the main is for the pleasantly safe buzz I get off their music. And even when it's not really their songs, anything with their name attached to it gets my attention.

As soon as I saw they helmed the production of one of the Late Night Tales cds I got pretty giddy and when Amazon's mp3 store sold it for $4.99 I gobbled it up right away.

And I'm glad I did! Music critic Andrew Leahey calls the album "surprisingly moody, stylish, and fairly danceable". (The inclusion of "Hold On" by Holy Ghost! is one of the most mesmerizing dance songs ever, unrelenting in its seductive hold!) Leahey adds in his review that the songs blend into each other and make for a great nocturnal feel (a must for the Late Night Tales collection.)

As charming and chill as any of the wonderful Grey's Anatomy soundtracks,  Snow Patrol's take on Late Night Tales gives me the kind of dreamy oblivion no amount of alcohol can buy :)